Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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