Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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