There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
