party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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