So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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