I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
