you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
