so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
