census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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