If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
