just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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