Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
