I wish I could teleport
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
