My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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