...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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