i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
