You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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