I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
