every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Randomize
