I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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