eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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