in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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