DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
