i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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