dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
