Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
