At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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