Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm too high and old for this...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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