I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
