guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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