Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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