the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
