a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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