Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
