Plan B is the new Plan A
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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