I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
