can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
