i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
