I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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