um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
