Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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