dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
