No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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