i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
