yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
