My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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