I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
