the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
