haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
