Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
